Paul Gilmartin is amazing. Not only did he manage to survive hosting "Dinner And A Movie" on TBS for 15 years (where legend has it that he put his own semen inside of a blueberry pie and served it to Ted Turner), but he also has the cockjuice to host a podcast where he talks to people struggling with mental illness and fucking makes it hilarious and honest, while in his spare time he eats wood and shits out magical chairs and cutting boards. Suck the semen from a yeti, you can’t even talk about how you pound down a Baconator in the Wendy’s parking lot during your lunch break, of course he’s AmazePauls.

Paul Gilmartin is amazing. Not only did he manage to survive hosting "Dinner And A Movie" on TBS for 15 years (where legend has it that he put his own semen inside of a blueberry pie and served it to Ted Turner), but he also has the cockjuice to host a podcast where he talks to people struggling with mental illness and fucking makes it hilarious and honest, while in his spare time he eats wood and shits out magical chairs and cutting boards. Suck the semen from a yeti, you can’t even talk about how you pound down a Baconator in the Wendy’s parking lot during your lunch break, of course he’s AmazePauls.

Les Paul is amazing. He pretty much invented the electric guitar. All the music you have or will ever listen to wouldn’t exist without him (except that Canadian fucktool Justin Bieber, you can thank the anusblood of Satan for him). You can get a ticket to ride the broccoli-fart caboose because your life is pretty pointless compared to Les, because he’s AmazePauls.

Les Paul is amazing. He pretty much invented the electric guitar. All the music you have or will ever listen to wouldn’t exist without him (except that Canadian fucktool Justin Bieber, you can thank the anusblood of Satan for him). You can get a ticket to ride the broccoli-fart caboose because your life is pretty pointless compared to Les, because he’s AmazePauls.

Paul Shaffer is amazing. He’s been the bandleader for David Letterman since the sun was created, and played Artie Fufkin in Spinal Tap (fuck off dickcheese, it’s the greatest rock movie ever made). Sure he resembles that goddamn old guy that fucking dances like there’s a Viagra stuck up his ass from those Six Flags commercials (that commercial has been the cause of 15,000 deaths), but he’s held the same job for 32 years, and you can’t even keep a friend for more than 2. Choke on a donkeydick, he’s AmazePauls.

Paul Shaffer is amazing. He’s been the bandleader for David Letterman since the sun was created, and played Artie Fufkin in Spinal Tap (fuck off dickcheese, it’s the greatest rock movie ever made). Sure he resembles that goddamn old guy that fucking dances like there’s a Viagra stuck up his ass from those Six Flags commercials (that commercial has been the cause of 15,000 deaths), but he’s held the same job for 32 years, and you can’t even keep a friend for more than 2. Choke on a donkeydick, he’s AmazePauls.

Paul Bunyan is amazing. I don’t give a shitsandwich that he’s a fable. Was “Babe” - his only companion in the whole world - his sex-ox? Oh most definitely. But he wears plaid unironically and uses his axe to make goddamn rivers, you wear ladypants and ride a bike like a bitch. Step off fuckbucket, he’s AmazePauls.

Paul Bunyan is amazing. I don’t give a shitsandwich that he’s a fable. Was “Babe” - his only companion in the whole world - his sex-ox? Oh most definitely. But he wears plaid unironically and uses his axe to make goddamn rivers, you wear ladypants and ride a bike like a bitch. Step off fuckbucket, he’s AmazePauls.

The Apostle Saint Paul is amazing. He wrote 90% of the only part of the Bible that Christians seem to care about and is more worshipped than the man who walked on goddamn water and left a shit-fist-sandwich for the money changers at the temple (fuck yeah I’ll get Biblical on your ass). All you’ve done is complain about how fat The Nalds makes you and that Netflix doesn’t have whatever movie who cares — ride a bulldick, of course he’s AmazePauls.

The Apostle Saint Paul is amazing. He wrote 90% of the only part of the Bible that Christians seem to care about and is more worshipped than the man who walked on goddamn water and left a shit-fist-sandwich for the money changers at the temple (fuck yeah I’ll get Biblical on your ass). All you’ve done is complain about how fat The Nalds makes you and that Netflix doesn’t have whatever movie who cares — ride a bulldick, of course he’s AmazePauls.

Paul Stanley is amazing. Good Jesus his face looks like a melting tranny who licked a lemon-anus, but he was in KISS (a band that terrified me as a child because I knew it stood for Kids In Satans Service). You’ll never be in a band that your parents forbid you to listen to because they’re Satanic, so fuck off stickdick, he’s AmazePauls.

Paul Stanley is amazing. Good Jesus his face looks like a melting tranny who licked a lemon-anus, but he was in KISS (a band that terrified me as a child because I knew it stood for Kids In Satans Service). You’ll never be in a band that your parents forbid you to listen to because they’re Satanic, so fuck off stickdick, he’s AmazePauls.